Saturday, July 13, 2013

Breaking Bad's Saul Goodman Presents: "The Defense Never Rests" (Sneak Preview)

Saul Goodman here. You might remember me from my numerous high quality late night commercials. Or maybe I've lit up your life with one of my matchbooks.  Who knows, perhaps you've even sat on my face while waiting for the local bus! And you know if I'm your lawyer, I'll never tell!

Living under the threat of imminent death out here in New Mexico, I've been taking a gander at what the kids are up to nowadays. The children ARE our future, after all. Speaking of which, if you think little Johnny's not getting the attention he needs at school, maybe you...


A million dollars later, even if your brat's failing at reading and writing, you'll still be getting straight A's for arithmetic for adding all those zeroes to your bank account!

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, the kids. Technology, after King Kong and Sofia Vegara's bosoms, it's truly the eleventh wonder of the world. What with the all pods and pads and so on. I've learned that people don't talk anymore. They text, they tumble and they tweet. To quote my good friend Mister T, it's all jibber jabber to me, but when I had my crack investigative team probe further, we discovered...the blogosphere.

It was like Jules Verne woke up with a raging hard-on with James Cameron pinching his nipples and Albert Einstein pissing out the window.  It was a universe more colorful and wild than my bedroom closet. And I knew it was a new world ripe for a renaissance man like myself to explore.  Just call me Vasco de Goodman!

So I made a deal with this Esoteric Candy character.  Turns out Mister Wacky Sweet Stuff has been down on his luck, which makes him the perfect pigeon--excuse me, I mean the ideal client for me. Easy as a ten dollar whore, I tossed him a few Groupons for a local Thai Massage Parlor where they're usually twenty (both dollars and years old).  In return, I get to rent out this space for the next few weeks.

And just what does your old buddy Saul got cooking up for you? A Five Part Series, that's what!  Drumroll and flourish of trumpets please:

Saul Goodman Presents 

Each blog-isode, I'll be taking up the cause of one of the following five individuals:
Marie Schrader, Hank Schrader, Skyler White, Jesse Pinkman and Walter H. White.  

I'll be pleading their case to YOU, the general public, because THAT's how you win trials!

So stay tuned to this space for future installments.  And don't forget, if you're having problems subscribing to this blog, or your computer's on the fritz, or even if those sausage links you call fingers are too thick for the teeny tiny buttons, that doesn't mean you should call some pencil necked geek... just BETTER CALL SAUL!

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