Game of Boneheads: GOT & the 2016 Presidential Campaign

Game of Thrones has never quite been my favorite TV show. Seemingly a mere dragon's breath away, there’s always some drug kingpin, ad exec or Minnesota peace officer blocking its path, ironically keeping the HBO juggernaut from assuming the throne in my mental kingdom of current TV series. 

Still, with very few missteps, it’s been wildly entertaining so far this year. But in terms of sheer head-shaking absurdity, stomach-churning obscenity, vein-popping hostility and skin-crawling insanity, whether it be it from Westeros to the Wall and even the White Walkers themselves — Game of Thrones has absolutely nothing on the most downright disturbing reality show of all time: the 2016 Presidential Campaign.

However, one doesn't need the insight (or is it foresight) of a Three-Eyed Raven to see that they may have far more in common beyond dreading what the Winter will bring…

Cersei Lannister was married to an affable war-tested glutton of a man who ascended to the ultimate position of authority and rule. But this was a union built more on practicality and pragmatism rather than true love. Even though her husband sat in the most coveted seat in all the lands, clearly she was the one who truly sought such power. 

Her sheer ruthlessness in political matters and hawkishness in military affairs combined with a penchant for duplicitous plotting made her a foe few wanted to challenge. Stir her fierce maternal instincts into that [rhymes with witches'] brew, and it's easy to see how she became a leader that few wanted, but far fewer could ever deny that this cunning and deceitful queen had earned her place at the top.

So...there’s your Hillary. All that's needed now is an inane subplot where it's revealed that Cersei inappropriately used her own personal unkindness of ravens to deliver and receive messages pertaining to matters of state. Incidentally, how unbelievably cool is it that a gathering of ravens is actually called an unkindness? And get this, another word that can be used for any bunch of those black-feathered birdies — is a conspiracy of ravens! The more you know…

But dubious fun with thesauruses aside, what about her opponent? Well, that aligns almost perfectly…

The High Sparrow’s life was devoted to the plight of the poor, not the indulgence of the privileged. He saw firsthand how they were all too often of low moral character, as if the gold in their pockets was in equal weight to the sin in their souls. As his perspective was alien to those in control, the High Sparrow was easily underestimated. Despite his age, his rise to power was almost meteoric, but many still scoffed. 

A pious man in a world without virtue? What could one voice possibly do? But his words enthralled and inspired both the young and disaffected, and his zealotry to expunge sin and punish the immoral was the sole focus of his expanding movement, putting him at odds with one-time ally Cersei.

The cult-like blind devotion of his followers showcased the High Sparrow's inability to see the big picture, for there were even far greater threats outside their borders than the sinners within. So even as his power grew, the foreboding dangers to the citizenry of Westeros and beyond multiplied as well. And these enemies are unlikely to be slowed or swayed by the eloquent and righteous words of a single stubborn old man.

Bernie Sanders, meet your humble but still dangerous doppleganger: the High Sparrow.

Since I’ve matched up the Hill as well as the Bern…that only now leaves the Donald. It’s a damn shame I didn’t whip this goofy time-killer up several months ago, when there were still the likes of Jeb “Stannis” Bush and Ben “Grand Master Pycelle” Carson to mock. Of course, it would likely have resulted in a blog as long as one of these George R.R. Martin opuses that I will NEVER EVER read.

Nope, now there's just that pablum-spewing PUMPKIN HEAD to pair up with some scourge of the Seven Kingdoms. Now, I'm sure a more knee-jerk selection process would point to someone horrifically horrible and dreadfully detestable (feeding my alliteration addiction), like a Joffrey or Ramsey. But that’s too easy, too obvious, and in all honesty, simply not the right fit for who Donald Trump is, what he represents…and what havoc a Trump victory would wreak upon the world. 

Far more than the High Sparrow, there was an entity almost no one took seriously. A bizarre looking creature that was more a joke or a fairy tale, a bogeyman more likely to inspire the laughter of disbelief rather than shudders of fear. But this ominous danger grew as the monster's violent minions multiplied, a truly brain-dead army completely devoid of all reason and thought. And now, as these terrifying forces march onward, the world is finally becoming aware that this nightmare is very real...and possibly unstoppable as well.

From a death reaping bad-ass to a dickish tweeting dumb-ass, Donald J. Trump is our Night King. And if enough voters don't wise up and step up, we may end up with a Mad King.