Sunday, May 5, 2013

No, I'm Not? Please. Yes, You Are.

When someone insists that they're NOT something, it usually means that they are. And they usually know it too. Unless they're just dumb -- but we'll get to that in a second...

"I wouldn't lie to you." That really means "Not only would I ABSOLUTELY lie to you, I'm doing it right fucking now, moron."

"It's not you, it's me." Clearly, this translates to "Of COURSE it's you -- and if you were someone else, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

"I could never do/say such a thing." Yes, you could. Yes, you did. And yes, you will again. Once the word "never" gets tossed into the mix -- then all bets are off. Nothing is never, trust me.

"...doesn't mean I'm dumb/doesn't make me dumb." Guess what? More often than not, it DOES. Maybe you're not all that savvy, street smart or book smart; maybe you lack sufficient intellectual depth to see beyond the surface; maybe you lack a certain amount of sophistication. Or...the most likely "maybe" of all: maybe you ARE dumb. Is it less or more shameful NOT to realize this basic truth? I'm not sure. But it's alternately entertaining or aggravating for everyone else who's being subjected to such idiocy.
Thus endeth my mini blog-riff-rant. I'd like to say I'll never post something like this again, but we all know I'd be lying...


  1. Soooo, what was the event that was the catalyst for this blog post?

    PS I'm so relieved that you didn't say "Never say never" and force me to make a Beiber joke.

  2. Hmm...I'd rather not say what inspired the blog specifically. Let's just say I recently encountered ONE of the things listed above and that part "wrote" itself instantly. The rest I came up with as a way to fill out the blog. It's like a killer pretending to be a serial killer by knocking off several people -- in order to hide the fact he truly wanted to kill one specific person